Avoid the dangers of dating violence

Second Place

Feature Story

Division 3

Avoid the dangers of dating violence

Alyssa Giannini

Grade 12

Golden Times

Solanco HS

Adviser: Leslie Arnold

Tiffany Barwick graduated from West Port High School in Oviedo, Florida in 2066. She was murdered by an ex-boyfriend in September of 2007. She was only 19 years old.

Danielle Latif of Columbus, Ohio decided to meet up with her ex-boyfriend a year after the breakup. He murdered her before turning the gun on himself. She was only 23.

Bailey Thrasher of Yukon, Oklahoma agreed to leave with her ex-boyfriend so he wouldn’t harm her family. He murdered her after being chased by police. She was only 16 years old.

These are extreme examples of the tragedy that is teen dating violence.

Dating violence is when “one person purposely causes physical harm to another person in a dating relationship,” according to Nicole, who protects her full name for security reasons, an intern at the Domestic Violence Services of Lancaster County.

There are several types of dating violence, the major ones being emotional, physical, verbal, and sexual abuse.

Physical abuse is the most easily recognized by teens, and includes grabbing, shoving, kicking, slapping, punching, choking, etc.

Sexual abuse is also fairly well known, which includes unwanted touching, manipulating or pressure into sex, forced sexual activity, and rape.

However, emotional and verbal abuse are often written off or taken less seriously.

Emotional abuse consists of accusations, over-dependency, possessiveness, stalking, and “ignoring and isolating” Nicole adds. Verbal abuse consists of put-downs, “joking” insults, rumors, and humiliation.

Since abuse is often gradual, it usually starts verbally and emotionally (an abuser doesn’t just get physical out of the blue).

Red flags of a partner who may become abusive include: wanting to get serious right away, not taking no for an answer, demanding to know where you are at all times, not allowing you time with friends and family, a history of bad relationships or behavioral problems, blaming you or guilt tripping you for their actions.

“The two most common signs [of abuse] are jealousy and possessiveness,” says Nicole.

The affects of dating violence on teens can be devastating. Teens who have been involved in abusive relationships often suffer from anxiety, depression, low-self esteem, eating disorders, and medical problems. They may also have trouble sleeping, miss classes, receive poor grades, attempt suicide, and use drugs and alcohol.

Not only has dating violence dangerous, it’s also prevalent. According to chooserespect.org, about 72 percent of students in 8^th and 9^th grade report ‘dating.” By the times they are in high school, 54 percent of students report dating violence among their peers.

A whooping 1 in 3 high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship before they graduate. “About 1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner,” adds Nicole.

More commonly girls are the victims, but guys can be too. It can happen in same sex or heterosexual relationships.

You may ask yourself why victims stay in these relationships. If they’re being hurt, why don’t they just leave?

There are a lot of reasons why people stay, for instance; they may love their abuser and want to the abuse to end, but not the relationship.

Others may feel they can change the abuser, while other still may thing the abuse is their fault and they don’t deserve better. They may fear that no one will believe them that the relationship is abusive (many abusers only show their true colors in private) and they will lack sufficient support to leave. Relationship inexperience can also be a reason victims stay (if the abuse isn’t physical in nature they may not even be aware abuse is occurring, they may just think that’s how relationships are supposed to be).

And lastly, it’s an unfortunate fact that when exiting an abusive relationship, the abuse is likely to escalate dramatically. When abusers fear they are losing control over their victims, they often react violently.

It’s not uncommon for an abuser to continue to harass the victim years after the breakup. That’s why when exiting an unhealthy relationship, its important to have safety plans (which are available at seeitandstopit.org).

While dating violence grows as a problem among teens, there is a major lack of awareness about it. It’s a problem of equal proportion to drugs and alcohol, yet there is no required education about it in schools. Awareness is only the first step.